The Police Certificate - Gulberg Thana
I finally made it around to Gulberg Thana on Saturday around noon, the place where I am to obtain my Police Certificates. Anyone in a radius of 50 miles will be able to point it out to you with detailed driving directions (okay, just kidding), but don't be surprised if you're like me and easily manage to miss the large earth-colored building at the turning right in front of the park.
Thankfully, the place didn't exactly reek of a snake pit but had more of the ambiance of a wolf-den, with maybe not-so-hungry wolves to be fair. I prefer mammals to reptiles any day.
So I caught the eye of a typical broad chested heavily moustached youngish office worker who could be the sort of guy who helps out most of the time and won't ask for a huge bribe if he likes you. Tahir Bhai, the said officer, told me that I should walk in to the corner office and approach ASA Mukhtar.
The corner office had a front and back office and the desk looked like it belonged to a slightly formidable and typically whimsical authority. No one but a computer operator and a couple of other applicants were in the room.
A few moments later, Tahir Bhai walks up to me and asks what the status was. He tell me the bare truth. "Look..." he says, "you can try and do it yourself but it's gonna a take a couple of weeks and you'll be running back and forth a lot". And then further explains: "But if you get someone to do it for you then you'll have it in a few days and it will be virtually delivered to your home".
I understood. "How much will said person take to do the work for me?"
"Not a lot," he said, "about 2k per application should do it".
"And what if I do it myself?" I asked.
"It can still cost you a bit depending on your case". I knew he was telling the truth because I know our police force not to miss out on any opportunities.
So I fixed, the, ahem, 'processing charges' at a slight discount for the three applications together. I really wouldn't consider it a bribe, because the verifications and due diligence would still very much take place, only I would have personalized services at my disposal to walk me me through the whole damn process instead of having them kick me around till I regret not shelling out some in the first place. And I wasn't exactly expecting to have it free of cost, now was I?
So Tahir Bhai brings me and the other applicants to his office and pulls out a form in Urdu. As is usual for government departments, they don't have any copies or a xerox machine so I go round the corner to the shops to make some copies (shown below).
When I bring back the copies, Tahir Bhai is happily discussing with his colleagues about how they'll be splitting their earnings on the various cases each of them has reeled in. However, I can see my promise to pay bearing some fruit. He sits down with me and painstakingly explains to me how to fill the form (guys like him usually assume my type of Simple Joes' from a peace-loving community to be sort of dim-witted, so they're extra nice and don't spare any mustard).
In fact, he even filled my form with me and took nearly a half hour to make sure everything on the form was answered correctly and we nailed the thana jurisdiction just right. He then showed me (about two or three times) where I would place the testimonials and signatures of the two witnesses on each of the forms.
I suppose I should have had him fill out my other two applications as well but he decided to go look up the corner office first. There we met ASA Mukhtar, who turned out to be another pawn-figure rather than a horse or bishop. He had a desk in the front office and turns out he used to be the guy doing the PCCs but now the senior figure with the formidable desk had taken over and was upgrading the diligence procedures to be more stringent.
ASA Mukhtar would have been a nice guy to meet first because he came off as an honest citizen and government worker with no taste for blood (he could have been a priest in this country). He explained in a slightly hurt tone that the senior figure with the formidable desk who had taken over was now calling the shots and telling him how to do his job.
As we lingered by the front door, the two of them nervously eyeing the formidable desk every now and then, Tahir Bhai told me I might as well get back on Monday because there won't be any work to be done today. And between the lines I understood probably the senior figure would not be happy about all the extra talking and shouting when his weekend should have already started by now.
So I have my work cut out for me, filling out those forms in Urdu and getting testimonials, before I meet the leader of the pack. ASA Mukhtar said he's there all day all night till every day of the week so I'll hook up with him before I meet the alpha male.
Thankfully, the place didn't exactly reek of a snake pit but had more of the ambiance of a wolf-den, with maybe not-so-hungry wolves to be fair. I prefer mammals to reptiles any day.
So I caught the eye of a typical broad chested heavily moustached youngish office worker who could be the sort of guy who helps out most of the time and won't ask for a huge bribe if he likes you. Tahir Bhai, the said officer, told me that I should walk in to the corner office and approach ASA Mukhtar.
The corner office had a front and back office and the desk looked like it belonged to a slightly formidable and typically whimsical authority. No one but a computer operator and a couple of other applicants were in the room.
A few moments later, Tahir Bhai walks up to me and asks what the status was. He tell me the bare truth. "Look..." he says, "you can try and do it yourself but it's gonna a take a couple of weeks and you'll be running back and forth a lot". And then further explains: "But if you get someone to do it for you then you'll have it in a few days and it will be virtually delivered to your home".
I understood. "How much will said person take to do the work for me?"
"Not a lot," he said, "about 2k per application should do it".
"And what if I do it myself?" I asked.
"It can still cost you a bit depending on your case". I knew he was telling the truth because I know our police force not to miss out on any opportunities.
So I fixed, the, ahem, 'processing charges' at a slight discount for the three applications together. I really wouldn't consider it a bribe, because the verifications and due diligence would still very much take place, only I would have personalized services at my disposal to walk me me through the whole damn process instead of having them kick me around till I regret not shelling out some in the first place. And I wasn't exactly expecting to have it free of cost, now was I?
So Tahir Bhai brings me and the other applicants to his office and pulls out a form in Urdu. As is usual for government departments, they don't have any copies or a xerox machine so I go round the corner to the shops to make some copies (shown below).
When I bring back the copies, Tahir Bhai is happily discussing with his colleagues about how they'll be splitting their earnings on the various cases each of them has reeled in. However, I can see my promise to pay bearing some fruit. He sits down with me and painstakingly explains to me how to fill the form (guys like him usually assume my type of Simple Joes' from a peace-loving community to be sort of dim-witted, so they're extra nice and don't spare any mustard).
In fact, he even filled my form with me and took nearly a half hour to make sure everything on the form was answered correctly and we nailed the thana jurisdiction just right. He then showed me (about two or three times) where I would place the testimonials and signatures of the two witnesses on each of the forms.
I suppose I should have had him fill out my other two applications as well but he decided to go look up the corner office first. There we met ASA Mukhtar, who turned out to be another pawn-figure rather than a horse or bishop. He had a desk in the front office and turns out he used to be the guy doing the PCCs but now the senior figure with the formidable desk had taken over and was upgrading the diligence procedures to be more stringent.
ASA Mukhtar would have been a nice guy to meet first because he came off as an honest citizen and government worker with no taste for blood (he could have been a priest in this country). He explained in a slightly hurt tone that the senior figure with the formidable desk who had taken over was now calling the shots and telling him how to do his job.
As we lingered by the front door, the two of them nervously eyeing the formidable desk every now and then, Tahir Bhai told me I might as well get back on Monday because there won't be any work to be done today. And between the lines I understood probably the senior figure would not be happy about all the extra talking and shouting when his weekend should have already started by now.
So I have my work cut out for me, filling out those forms in Urdu and getting testimonials, before I meet the leader of the pack. ASA Mukhtar said he's there all day all night till every day of the week so I'll hook up with him before I meet the alpha male.
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